My Blog on the Web

I’ve been doing this for years before the internet. What I really got good at was plumbing. I created this device that allows you to quickly and efficiently unclog a toilet. It really is just a one, two. I charge them a hundred bucks and I’m out of there in thirty minutes. Go tell that to your wall street friends. I was cleaning up literally! lower manhattan and some parts of Brooklyn. Down in the Brighton Beach area. I was making stacks, you know what stacks are? Let’s just say it was a lot of money- or how about- you see that movie “Full Metal Jacket”? Yeah? Well, the stacks I made unclogging people’s shit, too beaucoup. Too fuckin beaucoup. That’s French you know.

Man, and let me tell you, the women, they can just smell when you got money. Listen, I’m not the kind of guy that’s going to go out and buy some nice clothes to impress a woman. You see this shirt? I’ve had this for ten years. Ten years! And yeah I know I’m not what you would call a looker, see I haven’t even bothered to get my teeth fixed. But man the women, the women know when you got cash.

I was living in this place in Brighton, you know far down, could have bought it in cash right then, but I rented it- why stay in one place? So I’m walking down the street one day and this broad comes up to me. Gorgeous blonde. I’m talking she’s got the hair, the nails, the tits. And she just comes right up to me asking me if I can give her directions. Before I know it she is taking me to a bar and I’m just getting her loaded. In these situations I don’t really drink, I think of myself as the hunter. Can’t cloud my vision went I go for the neck. Besides, that’s extra money. So I got her over to my apartment. And we don’t leave for days. No no, don’t give me that, look- I didn’t cut her up or nothing, we were just having fun. Man, women I tell ya. This bitch just wanted it. I’m not even in shape and got am pretty short but she just fuckin ate my shit up. Ha no no, she wasn’t into that stuff without having to pay her first. The basic shit is free, just got to provide a roof you know? Simple these bitches are.

Come on man, I know talking about your conquests can get boring. Anyway, had many girlfriends for years man, life was good. You know why everything I own can fit into a hockey bag? Because sluts take things. They steal your shit even when you buy them anything they want. I just couldn’t take it no more. By the way, you know what you should buy into? The new nyc domains they’re selling! Big bucks!

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White spots on fingers

Got a little water, feeling dizzy. Bones of mine every which way. Tapping my foot waiting for nothing. Thinking of that time it rained long ago? Remember that, that was the present, nothing like it no more. Looking at the sky gasping the last breaths before it all goes down.

There is nothing like seeing a late term abortion on the screen during coitus.

I didn’t tell her to turn it on, but she jumped up and yipped.

God, these experiences are never good. I should be working. I should be right, but I am not. What do I have to go back to- serving customers coffee, a computer printer, nachos? The story has been told many times before. And since my sense of purpose is augmented by the internet, I’ve heard this story ad infinitum. And what can I do? With hands that ache and no one to speak to in this filthy room, I just rot. Sure sure skip over, look at some of this and some of that, I couldn’t direct you where to go. I have no novel images that might make that endorphin you’re chasing fire. That’s the beauty of youth, the luxury to chase pleasure. Age not having enough time to rot your guts so you’re eyes still look clear and eager.

What is in the sound of a beep beep truck

Of course you all know it. That sweaty feeling. The doctor comes in and you hope he can give you the answer that can lead you to your salvation..,

Before I fucked her I made sure that she didn’t know I was a clown.

I got her off of craigslist. After a few kik messages things got good and steamy.

At work today I was given advice in the form of cliches and now I have no job.

I spend my days in the throes of self-pleasure practices and participate in online hate group forums because of the tight community. I never tell them my minority and non-minority status. I turn and look at the girl and she is sleeping. She is my wife, I love because who else is there. I can’t let her die but the lips are already turning blue. Now I am alone, unlike her, she is one with the world.

My wife is non-existent because I don’t have one. Not even a girlfriend. I never had one because I had money and don’t live in a country where they would recognize our marriage. I am a farmhand surrounded by little bundles of light.

I spend my days in the country and don’t know what much of the technology that is being used by me at work and I write quiet a lot and get underpaid and will see you later, make sure to save me a seat and I tell her a clever pick up line and that was all it took to wait in line to just get my first meal of the day.

The rich can lie to themselves better.

Off to happiness

You can’t remember where it was!

The streets, misty and quiet, I was afraid to lay down on the sparkling pavement. This was a moment. This WAS it. When I look back on my life, before the pento gets into my veins, mixes and mixes sending an oh so pleasant message into my brain, before that happens, I will remember this was it! The pinnacle of the human experience. Unadulterated ecstasy, that is, to lay down on the sidewalk. You people strolling about chasing dreams of thousand dollar bikes! But let me tell you! Let me be a god for just a moment! Just listen to what I have to say- give it to me, I am not real, no past, and certainly no future, no! What I have for you today is something more, something transcendent! Isn’t that what you want? Those jobs and families, they distract you from the truth, become part of this world by leaving it. Bring me that release, rub rub rub. And now, just look up, fall down backwards, arch your back and roll roll roll. Eat the perf, eat it all! I’ll tell you what! So many people in this world and they all shit! Can you fucking believe it? I bet when you are going to work and see the dumb fuck in front of you trying to shove some burrito down their throat you get frustrated and say- when I die, I’ll have known life because of that burrito! No. A thousand times no. Give up, and take the disability check. Let us all congregate and be thankful for the organs we have been given. Let us use these organs and when we are done, do some gouging. Do you hear? We that kind of sick. The deepest kind. Tear and pull. Reach up and reach down. We in Providence, we set.

Flying Birds

Woke up sweaty and a strong urge for a taste of nirvana. The door to my room was open. Curious. A stale taste in my mouth of some kind of chemical. Bruised arms with cuts on my feet. Feeling a strong drive to move, to run, but I am surrounded by concrete.

Plunging into the blue. Going faster and faster. This one is for the birds. Oh the birds. Birds birds birds. You take the seeds from me. I watch you while you eat! How many are in your flock, oh birds birds birds birds birds.

Working in the Sticks

The multitudes…so there we were, there I was, washing dishes. In this industrial sink. Crazy hot dishwasher. Crazy hot steam. And then the music came on. And the rhythm of the stepping of the other staff, and the rhythm of the door to the dishwasher opening and closing, and the music of course. Dare I say we hit upon a moment, let’s be grand shall we? The planets aligned! And there we were, sweaty yet happy. And I just took another stack of dirty dishes. And my dearest friend dried them. A quick look over my shoulder, a pretty girl, a co-worker smiling. And the music crescendoed! And we all started twitching, shoulders pulling, feet tapping, like you would think when you saw some highly produced advertisement. There we were, spanning the color spectrum, from all different types of backgrounds! It doesn’t matter that I’m tired or underpaid! The music man. This is what united us.

Well that lasted about a minute, or really the length of a good snort of yips. That’s the only way to get through- oh and sucking on that fent patch. Grimy reality set in. These fucking people, this overweight bitch that runs this shit show ripping customers off and shoving the excess cash up her rancid cunt. And my ‘friend’ just robbed his neighbor, straight up. The police force is scant here, that kinda thing can happen. And my manager who gets the yips, gets it trucked in from the city. Makes a killing selling it to these naive college students. This shit will fuck up your life- and I’m not speaking from experience. The thing is, your life is already fucked if you are thinking of doing this shit in the first place. I would recommend finding Allah, after all, it’s uber-chic now, all the rage. Find Allah they say, then take up arms to form the caliphate. Grand idea, but no yips there. Need that kinda thing, at least in this life.

And we would cop the extra beer from events, quickly slugging it down, and then quickly relieving ourselves on the van. That big van, it was a luxury piece of equipment. That’s how we transported everything. Moved all the food and equipment. Laborious. This was a rural town. Listen, I’m not looking to sit on my ass all day. But how could you not have some distain for the pompous fucks we served? Spraying their ejaculate all over my face and watching me lap it up. I had to do something. Lord knows the girl waiting in bed for me won’t give two shits about this.

So what could I do? I learned some tricks from they guy who used to hang around the Navajo out west. Learned how to write checks from those blank ones you would get at the generic office store that sold to the college students. It was pretty easy. After all this was a rural town. These guys sold work and ran shit. No opposition, just boys on playgrounds.

Happened to have to work early black friday, spent thanksgiving the night before at the rec. center in town. Was invited by the guy who got the yips from the city. Didn’t realize what happened at rec. centers. These guys were from the city, grew up doing the usual things kids do who grow up in derelict projects. Now they are out here in the sticks doing some weird some hillbilly shit. Pursuing the streets the streets for tired looking woman with cesarian scars. Sure I was into it. What choice did I have?

We got this girl. A smoker, I liked that- everyone here was. Had this shaking in the hands and nervous eyes even when she got fucked up. This girl was skinny. Was crying about how her boyfriend fell asleep in the shower and the thing somehow flooded ruining her tv. What to do now? That’s where we came in. We took her to this apartment complex with cameras outside every door. They were all smashed in.

Enter white room. Big black guy on small white chair. Room is pretty empty. A tv, yes, not much more. Strong small of pot and some other chemical smell. The white  girl is excited. Should she be? My manager, a slow chubby man starts moving fast. Chop chop on the neck, the girl is down. A stunned doe. The duct tape comes out. Do a hot rail off a butter knife. Inhale deeply. Toothpick in teeth, check. Bandana on. Eggplant comes out of the bag. Fuck that, the large black man says. Takes a goddamn rolling pin and cracks the girl in the face. Free flowing ribbons of that dark liquid gold we all lust after erupt. White chick doesn’t really respond. How can she, all taped up! Whoop whoop! Ha. And step one, two, three, four, skip and twirl. Perfect landing. Get good and lathered up with that pure enlightenment coming right out her nose! No tears yet, strange.

Keep in mind brothers and sisters, we are children of God! Blue skies! Fog on mountain tops! Oh dearest me, this is the most euphoric music I’ve ever heard! The large black man, my manger, and I join hands and dance around the writhing suffering little pumpkin! Oh my oh my how I love pumpkin! I think I fell in love! You know it could just be us baby, together. Unsheathed the large black man looks as if he has discovered a new land. Oh this clear night sky! He takes out a putty knife and starts boring a hole into the left breast, under the nipple. Yes this girl has been stripped and fully gagged. And now to dress her! I must have missed the stripping part, can’t get enough of this yips, these hot rails off the stove. Listen white girl, if the sky does come falling down for you, just listen, you hear the crickets? It’s just us baby. Look at what the creator has given us, I mean, me.

Let us go to sleep, shall we?

Trip to the Island?

He was a pretty crusty. I didn’t know what motivated him. Was it the pursuit of that Unattainable? Or was it simply to get his rocks off. I figured the latter based on his latest schemes to push the buttons in his brain. When I saw him a few years after the Incident, he hadn’t been any closer to clarity. Still had the clothes with the rough fabric and the wrinkled, dried out hands that shook. Never saw his actual frame, arms were hidden of course. He had some vague notion of scoring out on the Island. Said he knew the guy through his band. Like it was a band. Like I was even privy to what exactly he was talking about. He said there was this guy, T, and he lived in an apartment off his parents house where he sold the gear from. Came in off a ship supposedly. And what he would do was get these young girls over and show them the Light. He couldn’t stand T. Said his actions were against the Code. I nodded along not knowing what kind of violent history had forged the Code or if the Code was even real. But what this guy said was real. Said he got a baseball bat specifically for T. He just needed some cash to initiate the deal. Then make a move, use his reflexes and grab the gear and make sure no girl would ever go near T again. This was the plan. It was clean he insisted. Real clean. This was a True step towards the Light. Then it would be vacation time. We would have the Sacrament. We would do the Dance. It all sounded so promising, but I couldn’t do it. No way was I paying for a round trip train ticket. What if this was one of his strange K dreams? I hadn’t seen his arms but I saw his eyes. They were dry like his hands, the color evaporated, long gone. He was a gentle kid really. I had raised him after all. I only could shake my head at him. I couldn’t make eye contact.

Nice seeing you man.